based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
