took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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