Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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