it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
