Jerry, you need to find god
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
whose parrot is this?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
