it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
