well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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