Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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