I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize