That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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