I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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