Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
