yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Ketchup is God's man juice
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I need moral support for this bender
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
