he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
