i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
