i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I think I just sharted jello shots
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
