So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
