OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
