Acid is not a monday night drug
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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