I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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