god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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