i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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