so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
