I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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