Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
barbara walters just said penis...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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