***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
