dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
