My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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