Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
