i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
