this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
