Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You made out with two different species that night
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
