I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
