Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
