Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
