After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
