so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
