So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
