That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i jhust puked up my retainher.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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