I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
