Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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