i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
