i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize