it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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