Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
