Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
