Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
