Define "chronic" masturbator.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize