I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Randomize
