Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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