You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
