apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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