well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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