There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize