if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wish I only lived at night.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize