not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
