You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
