I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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