it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
