It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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