Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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