So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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