I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize